Feel a Breath

There's this thing a friend came up with a long time ago. It's called Bombshell Burnout. Sometimes, you can only keep up your amazingness for so long. I've had a pretty severe case of it this summer. You'd think with summer break I'd have all sorts of therapy set up and be all organized doing it at home...ummmm...
And I have so many wonderful friends who feed my ego telling me what a wonderful mom I am, how they don't know how I do it...
There's a guilty part of me that needs to let out the fact that sometimes...I don't do it. I get tired and let my kids watch TV to the point where they ask to turn it off. I go ahead and just feed James myself just to get it done. I make the same thing for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks so I don't have to think about it or worry about what will set him off.
So I'd say....we haven't made a ton of progress this summer. I remember, years ago, when we thought that by this time, all this shit would be a distant, crappy memory. That didn't happen...
Anyway, I've been focused on health and calories, which really isn't beneficial from a therapeutic standpoint. But I am still not comfortable enough with his health to really properly turn the reins over to him like I do Eve. I don't worry if Eve doesn't eat much at any time because I know she'll make up for it. Also, he actually eats a large volume of food, without a ton of weight gain, so I know we are missing something in the absorption department. I'm thinking once that is resolved, I'll feel a lot better about relaxing.
I should clarify, I'm just talking about feeding, which is a ridiculously frustrating and slow process. Other aspects of James as a person...are astounding. He has continued to overcome so much and gives me pause frequently when he completes a task I had no idea he could. Things that come so easy for other kids. Things like putting his own shoes on, going to the bathroom, helping feed the dogs, climbing over a gate, singing a song...
He's so dang smart, and I have these expectations of him acting like a little adult, sometimes I forget he's only 5 and has skipped some really important developmental steps and life is HARD! Those moments where he comes up with a funny line and I pause and think, oh my gosh. That was such a little boy thing to say!! Or that was so normal!! Lol
Those pauses allow me not only to take a breath, but actually feel it. And I know that even if it takes us a little longer than I'd like, it's going to be okay.